This is now the fifth session in our Marriage Series. We began with the foundational study called, “Let Love Reign,” and I know its been quite some time since then but I want to remind you that the foundation for the home is not the husband, or the wife, or the wealth, or whatever else, the foundation for the home that will not crack is the love and Spirit of God Himself. The leadership and headship of the Lord. Which is a choice for both the husband, the wife and eventually, even the kiddos. If love reigns, if God has the say-so in your home, then you will not only fortify yourself and your family from what the enemy wants to (and can) do…but you will also be a cognizant part of God building the life you want around you, for His glory and for your own joy!

We progressed forward to discuss the role of the husband. That first, to be a good husband, you must be a good man and a good man fulfils his original design and purpose and that is simply to glorify God on earth and to tend and keep all that is entrusted to him. To guard and to serve his family and concerning his bride, to be her savior, her sanctifier and her satisfier. To love her as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her...that her gloriousness may be a product of His goodness, His love.

Last week we began our discussion on the role of the Wife. Not altogether unlike the role of the husband in that first to be a good wife, you must be a good woman and a good woman fulfils her original design and purpose and that is to simply glorify God on earth and to ease the heart and life of those entrusted to her. Really not altogether different than the job of the man to tend and to keep and yet there is an element of willful submission assigned to the wife such that in the home and in the marriage, it is the primary concern of the wife to help her husband and help her family towards what God would have for them, which is joy, peace, a stable future and a life of hope. Today we continue that conversation in a more practical sense.

Today we talk about what the Bible calls a virtuous wife, a wife filled with virtue and virtue is simply advantage, excellence, kindness, goodness, righteousness, faithfulness…these are all synonyms and meanings for the word virtuous but they sound a lot like the fruits of the Spirit, don’t they? And so we will talk practically about a wife that honors the position God has given her, honors the husband God has given her responsibility for, and therefore ultimately embodies the role of the wife as designed by God.

And then, before we are through, since I am a husband and you wives are not, (HA), I’d like to share with you from a husband’s heart what about you we love so much and what about you draws us in to (at least for me) almost getting lost in you...like the whole world can take a hike, isn’t important, doesn’t even exist…because my wife is simply all I want and need…I’ll share some of that with you before we are through.

Turn over to Proverbs 31, verse 10. Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is FAR above rubies! I do so love this because this does so make me think of April. Why? Because, I don’t know if you know this, top-color rubies are so rare, there is no value able to be assigned to them. They are above valuation! Worth more than all the stacks of money on the earth…cannot be valued! And a wife that is the easer, the helper, the one who loves and backs her husband and upholds him, sustains him, supports him…same. Above any valuation. BUT, if we HAD to…let’s say that you as a wife weigh 125 pounds (WINK- HA!), 125 pounds of jewelry-grade rubies would be valued at $5.1B!!!

Now gentlemen, I know we aren’t talking about husbands but…if you had a car, or a boat or a rifle that was worth $5.1B…how would you treat it!? I’m not saying that a wife is a thing but come on!!! HA! And so, this is the worth, the value, the blessing of a virtuous wife! Some of y’all wives probably value yourself much less than that. Why? God hasn’t. Don’t let your husband, or any man or any woman or any other person assign your value! Let God alone assign your value! Live for Him, live in His evaluation and you’ll begin to glimpse, feel, and live your worth…$5.1B…well, actually, her worth is FAR above that according to verse 10…why? Let’s continue reading (and truly here is how you build your own worth in your own heart and mind…this is recipe).

Proverbs 31, verses 11-12. This speaks of peace. Safely is a word of peace. There is ease here. There is respect here. And that is truly the primary need of your husband. It’s captured simply in Ephesians Chapter 5 verse 33, “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.” There is a visual element to this…let the wife SEE…respect looks like reverence, to hold him in high esteem…remember, not because he is highly esteemable but because this is YOUR value…not necessarily his. Respect looks like regarding him, noticing him, honoring him…preferring him to whatever it is you’re involved in…when your husband enters the conversation, your eyes go to him and he gets opportunity to greet and be greeted…you don’t just continue the conversation. He is your conversation! Around you and around others, he will always walk into gain if you respect him. That’s the second part of verse 11…

Proverbs 31, verses 13 – 16, this is not meant to be a verse-by-verse through Proverbs 31 so I am just highlighting those things relevant to our study today and so see this, wool and flax speak of warmth and strength…two essential elements to easing the life of your husband, your primary purpose…the reason why God gave marriage in the first place! She’s working, she’s gaining, she’s acquiring…she is busy…why? One reason…to provide for her household. A good wife provides for her home. That may be money, that may be good deals, that may be a ton of things, but provision benefits…and that is the idea. A good wife benefits her home and benefits her husband! There is good profit when she is there…do you know what people do when they experience a profitable return for them? They invest MORE!

And look at this…she has her own money! She hustles just like the best of us…this wife buys a field from her profits and in what she acquires, she sustains! A vineyard speaks of a pure and beautiful family, a pure and beautiful and fruitful home…this is bought with the profits and profitability of the wife…profit not of money but Godliness with contentment is GREAT GAIN (1 Timothy 6:6) and that’s the profit that buys and plants the vineyard in the home…the love and comfort and ease of a wife that has the heart of God in her home.

Proverbs 31, verses 17 – 18. She is the light of hope for her husband. Men are entirely easily discouraged and big babies…big pout factories! But the wonderful wife he shares his life with ensures to him that its all alright. She loves him so much and physically respects him so much that the whole earth doesn’t matter even…he has her.

Proverbs 31, verses 19 – 22. A heart for those in need is a heart like God designed. Why was the wife created, because the husband was in need. A good wife meets the needs of her husband, just as a good husband meets the needs of his wife. Preparing for winter speaks of preparation for the seasons of life. Where there is little fruit, there is great hunger…and hunger makes things so very hard. Even the little things cause great disruption. BUT, the good wife provides, clothes, prepares her husband and family so that when the season changes, we do not. If you ever see a family going through a rough time and yet they are filled yet with love and hope and respect and loyalty to each other…its not because they love each other so much…its because they HAVE LOVED each other so much…they are prepared!

Proverbs 31, verse 23. A good wife presents herself and treats her husband in such a way that publicly he is respected. This is so very important…and you cannot do this only in the streets…it doesn’t work that way. You must do these things even in the home so that the public honor of the family is supported. A good wife brings honor to her husband, simple as that. She doesn’t tell of his mistakes…she doesn’t reveal things that may cause embarrassment…it’s crazy that I have to say that but I see and hear it all the time! Wives, heed my word, public dishonor in any fashion ruins your marriage. Never do it. Never. Never show disrespect to your husbands in front of others.  Especially your children, your parents, and especially those that do respect him outside of the home. Nothing is more cruel or hurtful to the hidden heart of your husband than this…

Rather than allow for this…here’s what you ought to do. Build oneness! Build unity with your husband! Build him up and in doing so you will build up your marriage. If you don’t believe what I just said it’s because you are not building up your husband…you have no idea how you are cheating yourself and your home by being your husband’s teaser in public rather than his easer!

Proverbs 31, verses 24 – 25. The virtuous wife is busy…do you see that? Why? Because when there is not work, 1 Timothy 5:13 says, “Being idle, there is wandering from house to house and gossip…” which is disrespect on display…but rather look at the words of the purposeful, valuable, wonderful wife…verse 26…wisdom and kindness. And with all of that, all that we have discussed, verses 27-31.

There are so many things about you that lead a man to the husband God has purposed him to be. It is difficult to love a wife as Christ loves the church that is disrespectful, dishonorable, self-centered and mean. Terribly difficult…but when she makes it easy…he blossoms into the husband God knows he can be. Your role as a wife is to glorify God and there is no better way to glorify God on earth then to be an instrument that God uses to bring others to the life and purpose that God has for them.

With that, here are a few practical things. Things as a husband, I love about my wife…things as a man, bring me into the image of God, and as a husband enable me to love as Christ loves the church…makes it easy.

Men love, husbands love, I love when my wife affirms me.  One of the top things your husband finds most attractive (and lovable) about you is that you were at one time (hopefully you still are) attracted to him. To a man, feeling attractive feels like winning! When a wife tells her husband how proud she is of him, how much his hard work has paid off, how much he’s appreciated by his family, and that there’s no one else like him, it says to him that he is cutting it not only as a man, but as a husband. Let him know he’s still hot, he can still get your heart racing, he’s a great provider, he is great at what he does – whatever it is that you can compliment him on. And mean it. A woman who sings his praises is a woman he’ll come after…so he can hear more!  He will invest!

Another thing a husband loves about his wife is her walk with God. Maya Angelou once said (Mom, why’d you name me that!? HA, just kidding!), “A woman’s heart should be so lost in God that her husband has to seek Him in order to find her.” I’ve seen men marvel at the depth of their wives’ relationship with God. They, at times, wonder if they can ever get that personal with God. It’s your ability to be relational, to go below the surface, to put your whole heart into a relationship that intrigues him. When you have an intimate devotional life with Christ, and are controlled by His Spirit, your life will produce the fruits of His Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).  What man doesn’t want to chase after a woman who is truly joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and – we love this one the best – self-controlled!

You may today be married to a man that has no relationship with Jesus at all…and yet God in His wisdom, knowing how men work because he created Him, wrote 1 Peter 3:1-2. It’s interesting and it’s a fact that an argument with a man is not won with sharper words or a more cunning set of facts. You may make him feel stupid, but you won’t win. The way to win is to allow him to prove himself a fool with how he cannot control himself while you can…he’ll see it…

More…I love my wife just how she is. Ladies, I want to tell you this about your man, he doesn’t love you for necessarily what first made him notice you, if you know what I’m saying. Proverbs 31:30 says, “Beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” So, regardless of how you might feel about your weight, body shape, big knees, cellulite, spider veins or whatever, get over it! He has. Honestly, he doesn’t see all the body flaws you think are so bad, and if he does, he sees them and likes them! No one analyzes or critiques your body nearly as much as you do.  In fact, our eyes are pretty forgiving and “blind” when it comes to your physical (and often over-exaggerated) flaws. When you express confidence in your own body, we find that endlessly attractive.

Husbands love when wives take initiative and flirt! Its amazing to me how many wives initiated the relationship with their husbands!  And yet, years later, wives suddenly expect their husbands to do all of the initiating. Your initiation makes us feel loved, pursued and confident. You know what initiative from a wife feels like for a husband? Like he’s the star quarterback and the hottest cheerleader is staring at him…and everyone sees it! HA!

I love, men love, husbands love a positive attitude in a woman. It feels like ease and it is extremely rare! Think of this. A man has no idea how to understand, communicate with, be around a woman. Even some of us with a lot of practice, it’s still a gamble! HA! And so, when a woman is positive, when a wife has a positive attitude, it’s a GINORMOUS relief and we love it! Ladies, your husband loves a positive attitude...but he’s not likely to confront you when you’re being negative. When a man can count on a smile or kind word when he walks through the front door, he’ll anticipate his homecoming a lot more. Positive people are enjoyable to be around. If you’re pleasant, he’ll generally want to be in your company.

Finally, I love that my marriage is just good. I love my wife’s partnership. When she joins me once in a while in a project or when she is just there to ask how its going. I love doing life with someone that loves me and respects me. That is such a blessing.

These things may seem daunting, like a heavy load, but stick close to the Lord.  As you do, what He will reveal to you is that truly, allowing Him to repeal the power of sin in your heart, the grip of the fall, as you welcome and allow that work and partner with the Lord in that work in your heart of hearts, the heavy load is revealed to truly be life without being these things…and then this stuff gets easy. A good wife, hard to find? Perhaps…but not hard to become.