Letters to my son - Introduction
O' my son!
This year has been a crazy one...you've really stirred the waters! I was beginning to wonder if being a father was in God's plan for me. I mean, I have to admit, the thought of changing another human being's poopy diapers wasn't exactly bucket list material for me. You're too young to know, but the hard rock wall between your grandpa and I, that definitely made me wonder... What if? What if I do have a son and he grows up to want nothing to do with me to live a totally different life-- could I take that? I believe that, little by little, God was preparing me for the responsibility of leading you and Mom, of guiding you both spiritually, and of loving you both sacrificially. I have to say, though, that once you "made your entrance," a lot of those questions kind of faded away.
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
- Psalm 127:3-4
I guess I never really saw having children as a reward, but I totally do now! I look at the above verse and think of arrows in a warrior's hand, how they must give him purpose, invigorate him, and propel him forward in being a warrior. Son, you have given me more purpose to persevere in my walk with Jesus. It hasn't all been roses these last seven months! Oh boy, I thought I knew what exhaustion was, but I had no idea. Never have I seen someone so demanding over milk! I mean, milk isn't THAT great, is it? The only other person I know who seems to love soft things as much as you
Oh, but there are so many awesome things about you! You love to giggle when I make goofy sounds and faces... and I'm pretty stoked that only I can make you laugh that way. You don't give up easily! Watching you trying to master crawling is like watching a fish flop around on dry land! You got it down, eventually, but I love that you didn't give up.
I want to start writing you through these blogs with the hopes that, as God teaches me new and exciting things through being a parent, you will one day grow to know His heart AND my heart through them. I KNOW, I KNOW I can be an overly sentimental dude! You will just have to get used to it. Sorry, I am now stuck with you...the good and the stinky... so I guess that means for the next 18 years, you are also stuck with me.
I guess the first thing God's taught me that I want to leave with you is this: It may be difficult to be a parent, but not hard to love you. It may be taxing when you won't be still and let me put a fresh diaper on you, but I enjoy each second. I have come to see a parallel these last seven months between being a parent and my relationship with the Lord. How come the Lord's mercies fail not? We can be such boneheads!! How can God be so gracious? I know that God's purpose, at least in part, in allowing couples to have children is to give us a window into His own heart towards us. We may be able to vicariously look into other's lives and imagine God's fatherly heart towards His beloved children when we see them love their own children so deeply, but we will never know fully until we experience it ourselves.
In short, you are a gift as the verse above said...a demanding one, but just the one I needed to draw nearer to God and understand His heart in a new and fresh way.
Love, your father,
James Stroud
17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
- James 1:17